Waxing her fou-fou

BelasariusLast night I waxed her fou-fou. Not for the removal of hair – she’s quite well disciplined in matters depilatory – but for my pleasure. Mind you, when it comes to hair I think this experience has probably taught her to pay more attention to those that grow in the folds around her cunt.

“I’m going to wax your fanny” I said. “OK” quoth she, and shuffled off to pop on her wrist and ankle cuffs and her collar.

I spread a blue tarpaulin on the sofa and the floor (wax gets everywhere) and lit two candles. I use Spa’s cheapest – after many years I find them the best – not only the lowest melting temperature but also when it cools the wax is quite brittle – making it ideal to peel away, mould-like, if one wants a memento (and I did), but also by far the easiest to brush off carpets and furniture. It also clings like a limpet to hairs, as she was to find out.

Bent Candle
Bent Candle (Photo credit: Opspin)

Low temperature candles are good for accuracy too – you can hold them quite close to the victim without the screams becoming unendurable.

She positioned herself , thrusting outwards and stretching everything for me as I attached my longest spreader bar between her ankles and a second, slightly shorter, to her collar and then her wrists. At first I fastened it behind her neck but she whinged and I relented, re-fastening it in front. After all, it was not my purpose that she should not be comfy – just that she should not be capable of interfering.

She closed her eyes. I dribbled a little wax on the inside of her thigh. She seethed. I let the dribble move closer until a steady two or three drips per second (these Spa candles burn fast – another advantage in my book) was dripping onto the top of her business end and dribbling down a little further before it solidified, creamy white. At this point she was roaring and I was ignoring it.

For twenty minutes or so I dribbled the pool of first one candle, then it’s twin, onto my darling’s lotus until the whole thing was covered by a carapace of wax, around 5mm thick. We’d used more than half of both candles.

I took pains to make sure I did not just create another layer, but always covered some fresh flesh too: we didn’t want the bellowing to stop, did we?

But, I could see her becoming more uncomfortable (more from the bondage than the wax) than I desired, so I let her blow out the tormenting flames and released her legs and arms. And took a gentle finger to lady jane. She moaned – but quite differently to the angry hippo bellows drawn from her by streams of hot wax.

“Is that nice?” I asked. Fervent nods. Sighs through half-parted lips. “would you like to try?”. “Yesssss”.

She took three fingers and began to rub the wax back to a state of warm translucency. I gently bent away two of the fingers, reminding her that this was a spectator sport and not for her satisfaction, and let her carry on for just a little while.

Then we started to strip the wax. Most came away in a single chunk – a sort of plug (I think, someday, she may be taken out in this condition: It would amuse me greatly). And I got my memento – the wax cap clasping her clitty came away easily and now resides in my treasure box, along with two nipple moulds from an earlier session.

Some of the bits running along each side of her slit refused to budge though, caught on unshaved hairs. I volunteered to deal with them and just pulled hard (and fast – most unsubtle). The bellows were the evening’s best.

We cuddled, we talked. She obviously wanted to play with her clitty again. “Was it strange? I asked, “when it was covered with wax”.

“Uh-huh: It didn’t feel like it was me doing it, not quite – it felt like we’d been separated. It was good. Different – but good”.

“Would you like to do it again?”. Vehement nods. “Now?” “Mmm – err, yes” she said, quietly and unsure whether she’d be allowed the privilege. I re-lit a candle.

Originally posted on Informed Consent, May 09.

Disappointment vs anger: rite of passage

286723What’s worse? Doing something stupid & thoughtless and making him angry? or doing something stupid and thoughtless & hearing THAT tone in his voice: you have failed to meet the standards he expects and he is disappointed.

The punishment is swift and not hugely severe – but every stroke feels like a hundred and the tears are not from the pain but from the fear.

Fear that he will decide that I am not worth working at, not worth the effort: after all, why should

see filename

he bother if I am not prepared to make a proper contribution to the dynamic? Why should he persist, if his requirements are over-ridden?

And suddenly it becomes real – rules are rules, and infringements will have consequences.

And it’s a rite of passage, that tiny yet monstrous step into the the D/s unknown that accepts the first rule. That he has been given, and will take, the right to decide what is important. Talk the talk, even write down the rules – but if it is to mean anything, it must also be real.

I don’t learn easily at times, but I think I have learned this lesson the hard way today.

From my Informed Consent blog. March ’08

Thoughts, not well expressed

286723It seems you persevered

Although pursuit seemed slow;

A deep considered pace

to make impatience grow.

So now we interlace

Both bodies and desire;

You seek no gentle sighs

But deep submissive fire.

Use sweet finesse of pain

To make my breath come fast:

I’ll beg that, once again,

Mild cruelty will last.

(From informedconsent.co.uk, March 08)

Possessiveness and Protectiveness (and she’s MINE!)

BelasariusMy girl is my possession. But sometimes she can’t quite understand my possessiveness.

Why, she says, should I be possessive when I know, as night follows day, that she is mine? She has a point. But it won’t stop me.

Doms foolish enough to approach her on IC ( not many these days – in fact none for a while) get a dusty answer. Get stuck with a single D at a munch ( even the nicest of chaps) and she gets told to circulate.

It’s not, I tell myself, a lack of trust in her or a lack of maturity in me.

No, it’s that she’s mine, mine, mine and she’s worth having. And I like the world to know she’s mine. And, most of all, I like her to know she’s mine and guarded. Protected. I am her rutting stag.

I am protective too. Even when I hurt her, I take pains not to harm her and, after, I cherish her and again feel she is mine.

She has a protective/possessive streak as well.I am her man right or wrong. In public at least. On our own, I do get given advice. Quite often – and quite clearly – actually.

The protectiveness we feel extends beyond ourselves. It’s, maybe, a weakness. We both move to protect friends, even when they don’t need protecting. It’s not such a great weakness I guess, as long as we are aware of it: Possessiveness, outside our own relationship, would be.

I’ve been around long enough in the D/s community to see that what goes around, comes around more often than it did in the life experienced outside BDSM.

We are a small, sexually focused, community. Relationships can mean more than couples. Many people play together who have little else in common besides BDSM. People play together who are good friends and who see this as nothing more than friendship.

Possessiveness, in these circumstances, is a poison that could quickly make it difficult to remain friends with anyone you liked. Taking sides in relationship break- ups would do it too. But unwise possessiveness means it is impossible to maintain an equable chumminess with someone who was your playmate and has moved on or found others to play with.

So. I won’t ever deny my protectiveness. But I’ll do all I can to curb my possessiveness. Except in the case of c_b, of course. She’s mine, mine, mine.

BDSM Punishment; BDSM Play – and Play Punishment

standing stoneThere are times when I give the girl a good whacking for my entertainment and she takes satisfaction in that: We call that play. Wikipedia defines it thus:

Play is a term employed in psychology and ethology to describe a range of voluntaryintrinsically motivated activities normally associated with recreational pleasure and enjoyment. Play is most commonly associated with children and their juvenile-level activities, but play can also be a useful adult activity, and occurs among other higher-functioning animals as well.

There are times when she is a bit naughty. I spank her. That is punishment of a sort. Wikipedia says this of punishment:

Punishment is the authoritative imposition of something negative or unpleasant on a person, animal, organization or entity in response tobehavior deemed unacceptable by an individual, group or other entity

Punishment Chair
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There are rarer times when something hurtful has passed between us and something that hurts helps mend things. That is punishment too. Rather more intense, serious and upsetting to both.

For us, play is joyful: punishment is anything but.

All this is consensual, she lets me do this to her. But that doesn’t make it something she volunteers for. Our dynamic, and the limit it is controlled by, means she has given informed consent to me playing with her, within our limits, when I want and punishing her, within our limits, when i find it necessary. Both things feel real to us and, I believe, to many others, whether they are in long-term relationships or not.

BDSM Punishment

I find it very difficult to think of anything as punishment if it leaves the punished person with a sense of joyful satisfaction. That’s play – and there is nothing wrong with that. But punishment’s satisfaction is in forgiveness and atonement, and not in the physical or mental stimulation of the thing for its own sake.

When I spank her for something trivial it’s quite often quite gleeful for me. Not for her though (and this is the weird-but-important-to-us bit): She reacts quite differently to spankings of similar intensity depending whether it is punishment or play. The head space is different: she is genuinely remorseful and requires comforting, in the case of a punishment. She is quite smiley and proud of taking what I dish out if I whack her just because I want to.

English: The old stocks at Chapeltown.
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Of course, you run the risk of inadvertently making her smile by imposing a penalty she rather likes. But, you can usually find something they won’t love (or that they love to hate) and use that when punishment must be given. YKIOK (Your kink is okay), but my kink, if it is one, would be to make sure that, if real punishment is required (something rare – I’ve not done it this year, I don’t think), that it was something that provided no comfort or satisfaction other than that experienced in atonement and forgiveness.

I think you can draw the distinction between BDSM play and BDSM punishment in pretty much every BDSM transaction from a long-term loving D/s or M/s relationship to a one-off interaction at a club (and everything in between): If it’s enjoyable to both parties, it’s play. If it’s being done to in response to something the Dom regards as wrong and it’s unpleasant to the submissive and, maybe, to the others involved, then it’s punishment, whatever it is.

The Dom’s dilemma

For us, punishment is sometimes part of a process of reconciliation and it does feel uncomfortable,

Punishment
(Photo credit: Toban Black)

sometimes hateful, to me. What if I’m being genuinely unjust? I’ll hurt our relationship, maybe long-term. What if part of the fault was mine (it usually takes two to tango), then it only seems right if the punishment becomes, genuinely, something we both feel bad about. For me to enjoy it in those circumstances could be construed as me pleasing myself, and not as me taking responsibility for our relationship.

So, Play, no matter how severe, is still lovely and light and enjoyable by all. Punishment, no matter how light is something severe and serious which causes unhappiness for the dominant (and maybe his/her partner) because it is necessary, and for the submissive (or maybe both partners) in its infliction.

Making a clear distinction between the two makes it easier to explain both terms and the satisfaction experienced by BDSM people in both. My experience has been, from time to time, that trying to explain the concept of punishment as it works in my relationship ( and in others) has been undermined by the impression some have that BDSM play is the same as BDSM punishment ( as I’ve said above, we do both) and that punishment is always “just a bit of fun”.

This has led to people expressing the view to me that D/s relationships are trivial, unreal fantasies.

This is upsetting: Whilst I feel I am unlikely ever  to live my BDSM D/s  life discreetly but openly, I’d like that to be true for people sometime in the future.

I think it would be useful if BDSM punishment is seen as distinct from BDSM play, Almost everyone in BDSM plays. Some punish or are punished. Being aware that there is a difference gives depth to people’s views of BDSM relationships. I think that’s a good thing.

You can read the definition of BDSM punishment I’ve developed, with the help of of others, and vote and comment on it here.

Northern lady’s BDSM Translator

Reposted by kind permission of northernlady22 from the UK’s Informed Consent website

Recently we have seen quite a few threads discussing definitions and meanings, I have decided to take things a little further and provide my own guide to profiles and comments you might find within!

The D/s (full of shit) Translator:

  1. English: A woman flogging a submissive man on ...
    (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    “My role is to help you identify then stretch your limits” [Translation: limits!!….let’s just do what I like.]

  2.  “My pet, you seem to be struggling with your submission – that is a natural feeling.” [Translation: Any more smart arse back chat from you and your gone.]
  3. “You seem troubled my pet. We should talk.” [Translation: Your sulking is giving me the shits.]
  4. “You are so wonderfully responsive” [Translation: You wail like a banshee and move around so much I want to hit every major organ….including your brain.]
  5.  “It is only in being owned that you will ever be completely free.” [Translation: I need some idiot to give up his/her own life to wait on me hand and foot without payment.]
  6. “I have 20 years experience” [Translation: 20 years ago I tied someone to the bed and last week I tried it again.]
  7.  “For me, the ritual of aftercare is the most important part of our scene” [Translation: Because that is when you stagger off to get me a drink.]

    Erotic illustration
    (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
  8.  “A true Dom has humility and never stops learning.” [Translation: Yeah, so I fucked up again: don’t give me that accusing look,]
  9.  “I never, ever strike in anger.” [Translation: It just feels that way when you give me shit.]
  10.  “It is time we explored polyamory together.” [Translation: It is time I shagged other people. You can help me pick them up and be my excuse to get rid of them afterwards]
  11.  “I cannot meet you at a BDSM club because I am a very private
  12. person.” [Translation: I cannot meet you at a BDSM club because I am a very married person.]
  13.  “I trained as a Domina in Europe in my early 20s.” [Translation: I had a kinky shag when backpacking around Europe after Uni.]
  14.  “Don’t think of it as pain. Think of it as intense sensation.” [Translation: This is going to hurt like hell, but I am almost certain that you’ll be too proud to safeword and stop the party.]
  15.  “You can only be a truly successful Dominant if you have submitted.” [Translation: I want you to sub to me, and that sounds like a legit reason, so you might actually consider it.]
  16.  “You must master your own life before you can master another’s.” [Translation: You need to have a 20-thousand square foot house and be earning at least 250k a year or the deal’s are all off. As a sub, I need to be accommodated in the style I would like to become accustomed to.]
  17. English: Woman standing on submissive male.
    (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    “I have no limits.” [Translation: Until you go beyond what is legal so I can have you charged, convicted and sue you to live the rest of my life off the proceeds]

  18.  “That’s not a Dom–that’s a control freak.” [Translation: Get rid of that person. I wanna be your Dom.]
  19.  “All Dommes need is to find the right man.” [Translation: Cuz I’m IT!]
  20.  “You aren’t sub enough.” [Translation: I can’t handle a person with a mind of their own without resorting to cheap manipulation.]
  21.  “You’re not submissive enough.” [Translation: Because you won’t quit your management job, move across the country today and give me oral sex on the off-hand promise I might actually start a relationship with you.]
  22.  “You’re not Dominant Enough” [Translation: You’re no fun. You won’t maim me permanently and it’s always been my biggest fantasy.]
  23. . “I’m service-oriented.” [Translation: I hope the dumb shit falls for this so i can clean their place and snoop through things.]
  24.  “I’m under consideration.” [Translation: I’m chasing someone.]
  25. “I’ve been released.” [Translation: I’ve been dumped.]
  26.  “I am a true dom/sub.” [Translation: You’re a phony if you aren’t just like me.]
  27.  “I am a bratty sub.” [Translation: I am a pain in the arse.]
  28.  “I will bend you to my will.” [Translation: I am insane.]
  29.  “I am a submissive with slave tendencies.” [Translation: Pick me because I’m pretending to be subbier (or better) than a regular submissive.]
  30.  “I am seeking my One.” [Translation: Someone out there must have dysfunctions which are compatible with mine.]
  31.  “I’m trained.” [Translation: I will drive you nuts doing exactly what my last master wanted.]
  32.  “I am a 24/7 slave, online only.” [Translation: I am a bored housewife or married man.]
  33.  “I’m strict but fair.” [Translation: I’m always right, you’re always wrong, and I’ll beat you whenever you’re right and I don’t want to admit it.]
  34.  “I am a trainer of sluts.” [Translation: I’m looking for girls who will believe they are being “trained” when I order them to give me a blow job.]

    English: A submissive man worshipping a woman'...
    (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
  35. “Looking for a sub/slave/girl to join us.” [Translation (when posted by a sub/slave/girl): I am much too lazy to clean the house and I need a work horse. Translation (when posted by the dominant): I need a backup fuck for when she’s mad at me. Bonus points if you’ll take my side in the argument.”

Equality in our dominant/submissive relationship

BelasariusMe and my girl are equal. No doubt.

There is huge respect between us. We value each other as people, we see the world through different eyes and we argue our corners.

But we are opposite too. She doesn’t want to be the leader and I won’t do as I’m told. And in our dominant/submissive relationship we have found a way to make that oppositeness create energy and strength.

She submits. I don’t: She strives to please me. Pleasing me pleases her.

It’s not about pain

I adore her. I push, pull, mould her to make her more of herself – the self I see, that she has wanted to be all her life but has not had the chance to be. The self that pleases me (which is what she wants to do).

It’s not about pain. It’s not about bondage. It’s about her service and my loving respect for that.

Equal. Yes. Opposite – definitely. Putting the other first – absolutely.

Both getting what we need? Indeed.

Is submission a gift? We think so.

Body Language
Body Language (Photo credit: gainesp2003)

BelasariusFor curvy_bottom and myself, submission is definitely a gift. The entire relationship depends on it.

After nearly two years of getting to know each other she did put flowers in her hair, kneel and tell me her submission was mine. But, it did take that long to establish that trust. And, in the three years since, that trust has increased and, willingly, she’s given me more.

There are things I wish I could do to her and I can’t – because she has not gifted them to me. These things are few and far between – but they exist. So, how can her submission be mine?

The best she can be – for me

It’s this. We are creating a life for ourselves where she strives to be the best she can be for me: Her submission, she says,  is her best sense of self expression.

Hang on – let me correct that: Our best sense of self-expression.

I express myself by using her gift of submission to bring the constantly new, constantly changing “my girl” into being. We create delight in each other.

We have both had BDSM relationships before. But before, her submission has been optional – hers to give and take back as she chose. We did not want that.

Thats is why – for us – it is vital that submission is her gift:

A gift is something given without expectation of reward. A gift is never taken back. A gift is given for the joy of it.

I ask for nothing. I take nothing not freely given. I cherish the gifts I am given – and use them as I see fit.

This I do for her.

She keeps only that with which she cannot yet trust me. I strive to be worthy of her next gift, because each one is harder. I desire to use what she has given wisely. Nothing can be given that can be used without responsibility.

We do these things to exalt each other.

Dominance – a gift?

My domination of her is not a gift. Or, no more a gift than the air we breathe. My domination is the tool we use to shape the gifts she gives. It is the storehouse for those gifts. It is the stone on which those gifts are sharpened. But it isn’t a gift: It is a given. It is absolute, with nothing of choice about it.

The only gift is her submission – anything given simply becomes part of the fabric of our life together – and my choice to use. Together we are building a gilded cage she is thrilled to inhabit.

It isn’t pure, of course, Thankfully it is tarnished by love.

Minding her language

BelasariusAn open letter to my girl, re-published from my Informed Consent blog (from 2008).

“it’s sooooooo hard. And it seems sooooo false….” (she thinks she can wheedle almost anything out of me by playing the slightly pouty, slightly sultry card).

“But Darling” I said “I’ll be able to introduce you to the Princess Royal” (not that I’m on nodding terms with the aforementioned royal personage).

“Really Dahling, there are some things you ask that just aren’t me” (stamp of silken trotter).

So she got the lecture. Did she want to please me? “Yes”. Did she want to try to belong to me? “Yes”. So why not indulge me in the things that please me? “Err.. OK, but…”

Did the things I require of her make her feel good – did they in fact make her feel more like the person she wanted to be? “Yes – but it isn’t always easy – sometimes it’s hard” (telephonic arched eyebrow from the domly end of the line) “OK” she said.

The topic we were mostly talking about: language. She has done so well in removing “I” from written communication and is trying very hard orally too (I think I’ve mentioned this before). Ah yes, I mean verbally in this context.

All I’d done was mention that she should now consider abandoning “me” too. And all I got was “But how can I construct a sentence without ‘I’ or ‘me’ in it?”

But she thought about it and tried… and out came: “But one thinks…” at which point I grinned and made the Princess Royal comment – but you could tell that there was still much rankling going on at the other end of the line.

So, I am writing this to let her into a little secret.

Darling. You flog well. I can drip wax onto your beautiful titties until both cats come home. Restrictive bondage is a challenge you relish.

You see the value of our rules regarding dress, grooming and deportment and you find them difficult – because they change the public you and require you to spend time on yourself. But again you try – and you achieve: And you make me proud.

But, do any of these things challenge you intellectually. No, other than in focus and endurance, not at all.

And, what have you found most tricky? Certainly not curtseying, nor your more recent bow. But “Please Sir”? Hmmmm.

Despite my protestations otherwise you are not a bear of little brain. And I see no reason why I should not engage that enormous organ in the service of our holy dynamic.

Set aside for a moment your humanity, empathy, imagination, tenderness, thoughtfulness and all the other qualities that make me love you and ask why I should not challenge your intelligence?

Of course I should. And this does – doing without ‘I’ and ‘me’ is tricky I admit, but I can’t go much further, can I, in focussing you on me, even in my absence, than by asking you to moderate your language.

Now tell me that you won’t enjoy the challenge.

Human Black Pudding – the recipe

 

BelasariusI can’t really remember how it started except that, as you do, there she was bouncing up and down and I told her she was good enough to eat (as you do). She expressed the view she’d ike to remain intact and I think I said something like “well, there is always black pudding“. I wasn’t serious. Really – I wasn’t.

But, we decided a collaring wasn’t right for us (because she is shared) and that eating each other could be a great celebration of our commitment.

I am posting this (it was formerly on Informed Consent), on 5 September 2012, the third anniversary of our black pudding day.

The recipe:

  • 70mls our own blood, mixed.
  • 1/4 onion, finely chopped
  • 150gms of suet
  • A little bacon fat, diced
  • 20ml double cream
  • 30g oatmeal, soaked overnight in spring water)
  • 25g barley, boiled in spring water for 30 minutes and cooled
  • pinch each of salt, ground coriander, black pepper and ground mace

Soften the onion in a little of the suet – make sure it does not colour. Add the rest of the suet and slowly sweat for 10 minutes.

Take the blood you need at this point. Keep it moving if you can – or it will coagulate.

Add the oatmeal and cream and cook for a few minutes – then add the rest of the ingredients and stir over a gentle heat for 5 minutes. Don’t stop stirring, be gentle. When the mixture thickens (like scrambled egg) you are ready to make the puds. It catches easily (you are making a tiny amount) so DON’T stop stirring!

Bake the puddings in ovenproof containers (we used ramekins), standing them in a larger ovenproof container half filled with water) in a low oven (150 degrees or gas mark 2) for about 60-90 minutes. The top turns black quickly – the key is that it should feel firm.

You can then cut slices and fry or bake. We fried. A picture of the finished product is on my profile.

My partner’s view

It was an amazing project, long in the planning and execution (but that was because the blood wouldn’t come out!) and yet it made a difference.

We are “blood bound” – though we sort of were already, as we’ve signed our rule book in blood and he has tasted mine after the diabetic pricker session – but I digress…

It appears that there is something quite strange about wanting to eat one another – even though we made it a bit about protocol and a bit about friends and even a bit about the recipe. We were careful and considered lots of information about the likely risks.

It was a special evening – but the breakfast was amazing. Waking to the warmth of his body, then pottering in the kitchen helping prepare mushrooms, and all the while feeling slightly floaty. It was fun, watching him – it looked like black pudding, it smelled like black pudding, it cut like black pudding (complete with little cubes of fat – though it was a healthy eating recipe!) and it tasted like a fine black pudding!

Not sure what else to say, really.

5th September is a sort of anniversary.