Reposted by kind permission of northernlady22 from the UK’s Informed Consent website
Recently we have seen quite a few threads discussing definitions and meanings, I have decided to take things a little further and provide my own guide to profiles and comments you might find within!
The D/s (full of shit) Translator:
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(Photo credit: Wikipedia) “My role is to help you identify then stretch your limits” [Translation: limits!!….let’s just do what I like.]
- “My pet, you seem to be struggling with your submission – that is a natural feeling.” [Translation: Any more smart arse back chat from you and your gone.]
- “You seem troubled my pet. We should talk.” [Translation: Your sulking is giving me the shits.]
- “You are so wonderfully responsive” [Translation: You wail like a banshee and move around so much I want to hit every major organ….including your brain.]
- “It is only in being owned that you will ever be completely free.” [Translation: I need some idiot to give up his/her own life to wait on me hand and foot without payment.]
- “I have 20 years experience” [Translation: 20 years ago I tied someone to the bed and last week I tried it again.]
- “For me, the ritual of aftercare is the most important part of our scene” [Translation: Because that is when you stagger off to get me a drink.]
(Photo credit: Wikipedia) - “A true Dom has humility and never stops learning.” [Translation: Yeah, so I fucked up again: don’t give me that accusing look,]
- “I never, ever strike in anger.” [Translation: It just feels that way when you give me shit.]
- “It is time we explored polyamory together.” [Translation: It is time I shagged other people. You can help me pick them up and be my excuse to get rid of them afterwards]
- “I cannot meet you at a BDSM club because I am a very private
- person.” [Translation: I cannot meet you at a BDSM club because I am a very married person.]
- “I trained as a Domina in Europe in my early 20s.” [Translation: I had a kinky shag when backpacking around Europe after Uni.]
- “Don’t think of it as pain. Think of it as intense sensation.” [Translation: This is going to hurt like hell, but I am almost certain that you’ll be too proud to safeword and stop the party.]
- “You can only be a truly successful Dominant if you have submitted.” [Translation: I want you to sub to me, and that sounds like a legit reason, so you might actually consider it.]
- “You must master your own life before you can master another’s.” [Translation: You need to have a 20-thousand square foot house and be earning at least 250k a year or the deal’s are all off. As a sub, I need to be accommodated in the style I would like to become accustomed to.]
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(Photo credit: Wikipedia) “I have no limits.” [Translation: Until you go beyond what is legal so I can have you charged, convicted and sue you to live the rest of my life off the proceeds]
- “That’s not a Dom–that’s a control freak.” [Translation: Get rid of that person. I wanna be your Dom.]
- “All Dommes need is to find the right man.” [Translation: Cuz I’m IT!]
- “You aren’t sub enough.” [Translation: I can’t handle a person with a mind of their own without resorting to cheap manipulation.]
- “You’re not submissive enough.” [Translation: Because you won’t quit your management job, move across the country today and give me oral sex on the off-hand promise I might actually start a relationship with you.]
- “You’re not Dominant Enough” [Translation: You’re no fun. You won’t maim me permanently and it’s always been my biggest fantasy.]
- . “I’m service-oriented.” [Translation: I hope the dumb shit falls for this so i can clean their place and snoop through things.]
- “I’m under consideration.” [Translation: I’m chasing someone.]
- “I’ve been released.” [Translation: I’ve been dumped.]
- “I am a true dom/sub.” [Translation: You’re a phony if you aren’t just like me.]
- “I am a bratty sub.” [Translation: I am a pain in the arse.]
- “I will bend you to my will.” [Translation: I am insane.]
- “I am a submissive with slave tendencies.” [Translation: Pick me because I’m pretending to be subbier (or better) than a regular submissive.]
- “I am seeking my One.” [Translation: Someone out there must have dysfunctions which are compatible with mine.]
- “I’m trained.” [Translation: I will drive you nuts doing exactly what my last master wanted.]
- “I am a 24/7 slave, online only.” [Translation: I am a bored housewife or married man.]
- “I’m strict but fair.” [Translation: I’m always right, you’re always wrong, and I’ll beat you whenever you’re right and I don’t want to admit it.]
- “I am a trainer of sluts.” [Translation: I’m looking for girls who will believe they are being “trained” when I order them to give me a blow job.]
(Photo credit: Wikipedia) - “Looking for a sub/slave/girl to join us.” [Translation (when posted by a sub/slave/girl): I am much too lazy to clean the house and I need a work horse. Translation (when posted by the dominant): I need a backup fuck for when she’s mad at me. Bonus points if you’ll take my side in the argument.”
A dominant and submissive life 