This is the latest of my proposed definitions of BDSM terms.
My aim is to create debate and, if possible (it may not be) to get consensus on what these terms mean to most people. Why? Because I think it helps us communicate effectively and it helps people new to the scene to understand what we mean.
So, what is BDSM Punishment?
I think that we often do the same things in BDSM but with different motivations. Certainly there are times when I confine, restrain or hurt my partner just for our mutual enjoyment. But, there are also times when I do more or less the same things to her but because there has been an issue between us and, in our dynamic, the issue has to be resolved (at least partly) by punishment that reinforces our roles in the relationship.
If the crime is small, then it can be a swift and sometimes tongue-in-cheek response: If it’s an issue between us then it is the fitting culmination of the process of dispute resolution. But it always feels completely different from the things we do to make each other feel great – even if they are the same things…
So, here is my first stab at a definition:
BDSM Punishment is the use of any BDSM practice but not for the mutual pleasure of both parties. BDSM partners use BDSM punishment to reinforce their dynamic and their roles in the relationship.
Related articles
- Other BDSM Definitions
- The BDSM Ritual (mlbk7.wordpress.com)
A dominant and submissive life 
what happens punishment wise if a Dom commits a faux par?
Now, that’s tricky – and maybe worth investigating.
In our relationship, various things pertain.
First, it is a truth universally acknowledged (well, between the two of us anyway) that it’s always the sub’s fault, when it comes to trivial issues any way. Saves much hassle.
When it comes to non-trivial stuff there is discussion.I will decide how to put things right.That sometimes requires humility and doesn’t come easy.
If it’s something big it can precipitate conflict. It could take her close to or over our hard limit, in which case she can (and does) call it and I desist or try to advise myself…
In the first case it’s easy, a slap on the rump (hers) is all that’s necessary. In the latter two situations punishment still tends to happen. the more serious my infringement the more intense the punishment to her. It’s usually delivered with my palms, which end up stinging at least as much as her cheeks, and often with tears on both sides. I feel bad, she feels she is making reconciliation possible, we collapse into each others’ arms afterward.
It works for us.
I’m glad that works for you 🙂 I however have been seriously let down and don’t wish injury to be added to the insults 😦 Thank you for your reply x
Sorry to hear you’ve had that sort of experience.
The punishment thing works for us – even if neither of us is terribly keen at the time.
It’s my own fault, I was warned. It good to know that there are happy relationships out there such as yours x