The toy, the plaything, the added extra :)

286723It’s actually pretty hard to know what to call her/it 🙂 not being into objectification or humiliation or stuff. But we are working on it 🙂

The first time was a bit of a blast, and you’ll have read about it in the other blogs.

Interestingly, there are some specific memories that are with me now (and will probably stay for always!) – spotty underwear (“ooh, mine are like that only with bigger spots”) and crying when she got paddled, and the bedroom picnic 🙂 Not to mention the swearing and the covering of bits.

Anyway – we’ve met since, both for play and at the midweek munch, with her Master, and we are creating an unusual, occasionally challenging but always fascinating dynamic.

It’s hard to get the balance right – between the protective instinct and the delight that he can do horrid things to someone else!!!

It’s also interesting to have someone to compare notes with, so to speak. She is opposite to the writer in some respects, wanting pain and objectification in a way that is really not desired here. But we are very similar in the service aspect of our submission.

If he wants to beat me then of course he can – but he struggles with it a bit, as he knows that he has a sub not a pain slut (and before going on, it may be sensible to make it clear – this isn’t being judgemental: it’s about using terms that people accept as generally expressive of BDSM traits). Because he is emotionally attached, it makes it harder not to be a bit soft on this girl (he says). Not that you’d notice, the way he flogs the **** out of this girl! But enough digression… When he sees that she can take and wants the pain of a beating, he can go ahead: he and she gets what they want. Getting to narrow eyes and hiss ‘you meanie’ – and cuddle her after – makes it more of a shared experience. It’s all good.

Anyway – it will be fascinating to see how things develop. He has plans for more wax play,

English: Wax play on nipple.
Photo credit: Wikipedia

which is messy fun! – and intends for all of us to work on the dynamic as well as protocols. The is also the likelihood of an event if we can synchronise diaries 🙂 she is to be in a collar and lead – guess who is meant to hold the other end? #aaaagh 😉

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My orgasms are his

acc2_be22This was agreed some time ago.

He wants a blog about it, partly to show yet again the lack of privacy he feels is reasonable in our relationship. Also because he knows it makes me think.

It came about because at the time he was the only provider but also because of the way it made (makes) him feel. It is not easy to orgasm and in many ways a distraction, being too hot/cold, tired, stressed etc., could all add to the problem. So his ability to take my orgasm became quite a big deal.

As part of our dynamic it was also important. So it does not mean that orgasms are banned when we are not together (though self-induced ones are) but

Ecstasy.
Ecstasy. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

that they have to be paid for, in a way that makes them his.

Usually it’s a spanking. Nothing major, but enough to remind me.

(originally posted on StrictlyNormal ), 25 April 2013.

A new (old) toy.

English: Engraving of needles used to prick su...
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

acc2_be22My first experience of kinky usage of the finger pricker gadget used by some diabetics.

This blog arises out of some play we had recently – he used it on my nipples by way of ‘tenderising’ them (or perhaps I misheard and he was torturing them – either way, it worked!)

*Safety disclaimer: We are careful and used sterile needles and a sharps bin*

His gadget seemed to be ideal as it allowed him to set the depth of the strike, so to speak…

In this case it was also torture when he decided to tease me to orgasm with the promise of using the gadget on my clitoris at the point of completion. Initially it was hard to concentrate, but it got to to stage where it HAD to happen – as did the pricking. Only a tiny drop of blood but an immense rush 🙂

As is often the case, the pain was a lot worse in the prospect than it was in actuality.

He mentioned that, if we were going to do more play with the gadget in future, it might be sensible to have some antiseptic wipes to hand…

We bought some of those, yesterday 🙂

Originally blogged on IC, April 08.

Being a sex object

He says this is the case.

acc2_be22It has many negative connotations for women of my generation, of course… but it doesn’t feel quite the same when he explains. Perhaps it is because it is not a matter of being “only” a sex object. It is about being his, about being wanted, available, and loved.

The availability issue is interesting too – it isn’t about non-consent or feeling abused, or “taken”, more to do with feeling wanted and welcoming, It feels special for us that he is

Modelo: Edimar Rodriguez Iluminación: Ernesto ...
Modelo: Edimar Rodriguez Iluminación: Ernesto Gómez Fotografía: Gabriel Delgado (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

never made to feel that he needs to seek permission each time, that he has no need to resort to ‘DIY’ and that he finds me ready and willing.

How much this reflects our D/s dynamic and how much it arises from our caring about one another is not altogether clear. As so often is the way, it may be a mixture of both.

Originally posted to Informed Consent, February 2010

Hair – from IC, April 08

acc2_be22Mine is getting longer which, he says, is a Good Thing. It takes forever to dry, though – and as it is so fine, it does pretty well need to be washed every day. There is also more grey these days, so it is coloured. Nothing too wicked – a shade lighter than my natural one.

*sigh* When i was five, my hair was white blonde – it has darkened steadily ever since.

I’ve never been one for major hair re-vamps – an occasional “red” rinse has been about as extreme as it got.

So a recent conversation with someone who was aiming at purple hair for the Lash party struck a chord. Why would you want purple hair, I ask?

Then the Domly one wagged a warning finger (metaphoricaly speaking): he has plans for my hair, he says.

This requires an entry in the book, asap – hair may be grown/cut at his whim, but anything else is a hard limit!

What is it about the “crowning glory” thing for women? And, I’m sure, some men. It is part of me, something i can hide behind or show off, subject to mood. Something that can be useful, tied into rope. Grabbed and pulled. Used to dry something tender and loved after i have “washed” it clean. Why do i want to hold it back as mine and not his?

I don’t want to stand out: i am a shy, conservative (note the small c!) soul. I have changed enormously in terms of dress in recent months, and posture. People have noticed. All of a sudden – I am visible. I am told not to walk with my head down.

The idea of purple or, indeed, any other colour! – is scary as hell.

He may have been joking – but one can never tell and maybe that is why I woke at three a.m. feeling nervous.

Or maybe I was just missing him.

The higher you fly, the harder you fall

286723I’ve never been sure that I’ve actually experienced “sub drop”. I’m still not sure. And I’m definitely uncertain about the pleasure/pain principle. You know the one: if I enjoy myself, somewhere on the horizon is a figurative slap in the face that will “balance the books”.

But – the occasional “low” feeling after a play session, or even after a pretty intense D/s time, had nothing on the misery (yes, I’ve tried to find another less emotive word, but nothing else will do) for my feelings after what was very nearly a 28 hour “day” of amazing sensations and emotions.

OK, I am indeed greedy: i will grab sensations with both hands (assuming they are not bound) and throw myself in to experiences whole-heartedly.

I am also still a great believer in that synergy/vortex thing whereby I please him, he shows it, I try harder, he smiles, I try harder still.

So – I’m back on a more even keel now, and wondering: was it sub-drop? Or just a natural reaction to counter-balance the amazing highs? I may never know.

Originally written for my “Informed Consent” blog – March 08

Thoughts, not well expressed

286723It seems you persevered

Although pursuit seemed slow;

A deep considered pace

to make impatience grow.

So now we interlace

Both bodies and desire;

You seek no gentle sighs

But deep submissive fire.

Use sweet finesse of pain

To make my breath come fast:

I’ll beg that, once again,

Mild cruelty will last.

(From informedconsent.co.uk, March 08)

The tightrope walked by the Dom.

The feet of a tightrope walker.
Photo credit: Wikipedia

This is from my  Informed Consent blog, earlier this year:

We had an interesting exchange this morning. A propos something written in our book (which is not rule book, exactly) and fascinating chat at yesterday’s O&P.

Anyway – the deal for us is that what he does is, he says, not for my hurt or shame.

Hurt as in emotional hurt? Yes.

Oh, so pain and embarrassment is OK then?

“Oh, absolutely”, he said. And, after a pause: “You have no idea of the tightrope we Doms have to walk”.

It was a light-hearted conversation, but it has a point.

He likes to hurt me. he likes to see me blush with embarrassment. But, he likes me to look back and glow because he’s made me proud of what I’ve done for him. He says he hates it if I feels, looking back, degraded or shamed by his actions.

Someone else made the point that “it’s because I can trust him [her dom] not to (intentionally) hurt me that I felt able to give up my limits. I know he will push me way outside of my comfort zone, but never so far that will cause me harm. I don’t envy him (or Belasarius) that responsibility”.

Tying Up

Diagram of common shoelace bow knot, a doubly ...
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We’d stopped to pick up pet food and decided we’d grab some supper from the supermarket a few doors away. As we walked, I’m sorry to say I fell into my usual habit – but before he could say “shoulders BACK!” I got in first.

‘Hang on, your shoelace is undone – you might trip over it’.

He stopped, turned and moved his foot forward.

Never let it be said I can’t take a hint: I knelt and tied the lace, nice little bow, pat on the leg to indicate ‘all done’. And we walked on.

Was anyone looking? Didn’t seem to matter. I don’t think they’d have been offended.

Can’t remember what we got for supper but I do remember the first lolly of the year – a Magnum, I’m afraid. Still. sharing it means I didn’t quite blow the diet.

(first published on Informed Consent in June ’09)

Naughty but nice.

English: Erotic scene. Rim of an Attic red-fig...
English: Erotic scene. Rim of an Attic red-figure kylix, c. 510 BC. Français : Scène érotique. Bord d’un kylix attique à figures rouges, vers 510 av. J.-C. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Or, why I like anal sex First and foremost, if I am honest, is the sensation. I can be greedy, of course, and feelings of deep satisfaction (for him as well as me, I hope) are very much desirable.

At the start, the over-riding feeling if a certain fullness – one good reason to be as “empty” as possible from the beginning – and warmth: not the same heat as my lotus, and not as damp, either – but definitely balmy.

But I rush on – so much of the pleasure is before he has even started. From the moment his mouth curves into that special, thoughtful smile, I know what he is going to say. “I’m going to bugger you”. I just want to melt into a little puddle. Or a big one.

Then the lube, carefully warmed on my finger-tips, and generously applied to both tip and shaft. The pleasure of touching him, stroking him, encouraging him – the opportunity for such a personal closeness.

I am just glowing. He will often roger me first, which is wonderful in its own way, and very special. But I know he is almost teasing till the right moment comes, when he says, simply, “turn over”. Then it’s a matter of kneeling, lowering my hips and waiting – sometimes for gentle probing with fingers before the pressure against the sphincter as his cock demands entry, others for an immediate total insertion which feels as if I’ll be torn open but which also makes me feel more submissive than almost anything else. You know, of course, that there are many extra nerve ending there – so anal coitus can be even better than vaginal. And there is the added fillip of being on my knees – though I miss seeing his face! We are experimenting with ways of dealing with this… Then of course there is the “naughty” aspect – by which I mean the taboo of using the dirt road. Perhaps this is the result of a Welsh Baptist upbringing – but it becomes irrelevant in the face of his pleasure. And mine. Did I mention I was greedy?

So – there you have it: anal sex. I’m on my knees, it’s naughty, it makes my bits sore, it’s all about his pleasure. What’s not to like?

Kneeling and waiting for him to decide the how and where of penetration is a challenge, even though I have already consented to “anywhere”. Even when he has announced his intention to bugger me, it is always in his power to change his mind and decide instead to use my mouth or lotus.

Of course, he could decide not to touch me at all. I am learning on a basic level simply to accept: my desires and preferences are irrelevant, unimportant until he decides otherwise.

In terms of my submission, there is another element – and this is linked to pleasing him. I shiver to hear “good girl” at any time, but now there is an absolute fountain of joyous bubbles rising inside me as i hear him say “clever bottom”. For me, it is not enough to give him access and measure my submission by my own standards of generosity. For it to ‘work’, it has to be as complete as possible (or as complete as it can be in our circumstances) and as perfect as we can make it. So I practice – pelvic floor exercises and clenches, not just for the vaginal muscles but also for the rear. When he is taking my bottom, I will try to massage him with gentle muscle squeezes. In a way, this distracts from my pleasure and once again makes it all about his, which is the way we like it.