Entering anothers’ world

0004f9ec-a95d-9925-3787-f2bd8beaf1fe_110Thank you, @totallycoverme, for this:

 

I think one of the first things I said to Master when I came in after my adventure with Belasarius and curvy_bottom was  “I had an awesome time. Thank you so much for letting me out to do what I need to do.”

Aftermath

I came home all bouncy and spaced and trippy and it was important to thank Dragonfyre42 for letting me go out and get my needs met. This takes a lot of strength on his part to facilitate this – but it is all about supporting each other to do what we need to do in order to live our lives to the fullest.

It makes me a much better partner for him when I’ve been able to go out and have awesome experiences that fulfil my needs for S&M. It makes me less tetchy and grumpy and far more constructive in our D/s, M/s. O&P dynamic.

It turns out that Master had a nice night in too because he was able to catch up on an amount of telly that my shorter concentration span won’t allow for. In this respect, I am pleased that everyone concerned got something positive out of that evening. This probably goes to show that you can have D/s, M/s. O&P as a separate thing from S&M but that’s another blog all in itself.

When I am at home with Master I am his partner, lover and best friend and I massively value the input I am able to give to him in offering him my service every day.

 

Use me up, wear me out

When it comes to my need to feel used and useful in terms of S&M though, I am excited about what I am beginning to explore with Belasarius and curvy_bottom because I feel that they are able to give me this (or perhaps more to the point, it is about what I am able to give to them). 

I had high expectations of our first play meet because it’s something we’d talked about at length and we already had a reasonable measure of each other from previous meets.

As I mentioned in my first message to Belasarius having responded to my advert:

“You both get a lot of bonus points for potential of this being possible because both Master and I know you both and enjoy talking to you both. Added to that you get even more bonus points because, from attending the O&P meetings, we have a reasonable understanding of what our main BDSM relationships are about and this will probably make it easier to take each others commitments, goals, limits and tastes into account.”

So yeah, I had a good feeling about it before it started. The journey to meet them on the day we had planned to play (as always, for want of better word) was an interesting one because with all parties being experienced in S&M and a BDSM lifestyle in general, I took it as read that if it had been discussed prior to play then it was entirely possible that it could happen.

Head f**k

So I was genuinely worried that I would be transported from our meeting point to our destination in the boot of a car. Because everyone involved has an interest in protocol and mental BDSM (and because I have an over-active imagination!), I kept thinking that I would step off the train and then be given the signal for me to be quiet and then escorted to the boot of their car and then blindfolded once inside our destination and told to undress before stepping further. I genuinely believed that this would happen exactly like this. I’m relieved to say that in this instance I was pleased to find that there is luckily a gap between my overactive imagination and the pleasant reality of what actually happened in that I was greeted and transported in a friendly and welcoming way.

In using public transport to get to our meeting point, my mind was really quite wondering and nervous because as much as I was looking forward to being of service and use before a scene, I think when two or more experienced BDSM people meet up to play there is always that unspoken open-mindedness that the gently-gently approach may not be necessary. 

I was appreciative of distractions on my commute. This included a fair few drunk people, general busyness and the fact that I was blasting some happy hardcore music through my earphones. I always get a bit nervous before a scene (I’d be concerned if I wasn’t to be honest). It’s like a nervous excitement and a feeling of “omg what am I doing”. It’s nice. I think I’d miss these feelings and feel concerned that in their absence things would feel too mundane and predictable. Overall as someone who needs a good head f**k, I feel that things were, so far, as I  wanted them to be. 

Minding my language

You’ll notice that I made the effort to censor typing a swearword because we had previously discussed that I absolutely must not swear because Belasarius doesn’t like swear words and for a fair enough reason too. For me this is massively challenging because, when not in the workplace and talking like a real person in a relaxed and colloquial way I am very sweary. I do it if I feel anything from angry to excited, passionate to nervous.

I found it genuinely challenging to not swear and I still cringe at this because I absolutely said that I would not swear when in their company and I think that my swearing (even if it was in nervous excitement) let me down a bit.

I am entirely going to work on that because I think it’s important to use a language around people that is reasonable and respectful within what they expect of you whether it’s a BDSM thing or not, especially if they’re being so nice to you in other ways.

Preparation

Which leads me to the next part of this write up…once taken into a room where the lovely curvy_bottom helped me to undress and gave me lots of lovely reassurance and the comfort of some nice fluffy slippers to wear, I found myself taken into the kitchen and offered a drink. Out of general shyness I kept using my hands to cover my taboo areas but I soon found myself with my hands cuffed behind my back. I was only able to consume my drink by the two of them taking turns in angling it in a way that I could sip from the glass in a totally dependant way. As subtle as this sounds, I found it very humbling and mind blowing to experience being this dependant on others in order to be able to do something as simple as having a drink. This really heightened my headspace for what was to follow.

After this that I found myself sat on the lounge floor whilst listening to the plan for the evening and how I would be useful to them both. When someone is telling you all this stuff that they’re going to enjoy doing to you on the one hand it’s important to be attentive, when not having played before, but on the other hand you’re feeling pretty darn excited all whilst riding a wave of healthy nervousness too. So. yeah. that was good.

I was immensely honoured to be shown little bits of the book that they keep to make notes of ideas and approaches to protocol and all that good stuff. I think it’s always nice when people introduce you to little interesting snippets of their world like that.

I was even more honoured to be presented with my own little book to write things down in. The purpose of this will be to write notes about general and high protocol and what is expected of me in those instances.

I have yet to do this because it is ultra important for me to do it well and neatly and accurately.

Protocol

I’m very excited about it though because what is special about Belasarius and curvy_bottom is that they enjoy a level of protocol that falls extremely in line with the sort of thing I’ve always wanted to explore but is sadly so niche that I have yet to experience it to the extents that I so desire.

I guess you could say that maybe I’ve just been given the keys to a car that I’ve always been keen to drive in this respect.

After bringing myself to kneel down to eat the sweet little cake chopped into dog bowl friendly pieces for the sake of energy levels, the evening flowed in a severely pleasant way and I feel that everyone got their needs met.

Pain and recovery

It was so sweet how curvy_bottom held me and I could feel her emotions as she empathised with the pain I was taking and it gave me a lot of pleasure to be able to accept the pain that Belasarius wanted to give me.

After losing track of time with this continued sort of thing, I found myself tucked up in bed eating olives, hummus, leaves and falafel and having a good chat about cheese and other stuff.

It was ultra good.

Onward

I’ve got round to writing about all this three days after it happened because give or take a bit that’s how long it has taken me to finish riding my nice little floaty wave and because I was asked to write this blog (much as I’d have probably wanted to do it anyway), I wanted to write it in a way that did it more justice than just blurting out a plethora of giddiness while still riding that big first wave.

I don’t like to be too forward but I am definitely looking forward to next time in a tremendous way.

Between now and then I look forward to writing in my nice little book (thank you again for that!), getting used to removing the swear words from my colloquial mode of speech and becoming more familiar with the protocols that I am looking forward to embracing to heighten the level of service and usefulness that I hope to give.

Fitting in a fucktoy

aveburysarsenTNThere I am plunging energetically into curvy_bottom. Someone else is sitting behind me fondling my balls as I slide in and out of my darling. I ask the person behind me to put her head between both our legs so I can feel my testicles tingle on the static generated by her wiry hair.

I look down at my partner. “I love you”. She nods and reaches up to me. we kiss. “I love you”, she says. I become urgent. I feel my balls tighten. She smiles again as she feels the heat of me inside her. We hold each other. Our friend stays quiet still.

It all started with this personal ad, on Fetbook:

Here goes nothing 🙂

I am seeking a very submissive female with no desire to be in any sort of relationship with c_b or myself but who would enjoy the one-off or once-in-a-while  opportunity to be used as a sex toy.

Of course, we’d like someone whose company we enjoy – and who enjoys ours – but at the end of the day, this is all about giving someone who gets their rocks off on a combination of objectification and sexual service the opportunity to help us get our rocks off too.

c_b would like an occasional dress-up dolly for us to take to parties and with whom she can indulge herself by bathing, grooming and dressing her beforehand (to my specification).

 I find it inconvenient that, for example, I can’t suck on both her bubbies at the same time when rogering her – or that she can’t easily handle my testicles whilst I’m giving her a seeing-to.

 It won’t suit you if you want to do anything much other than do as you are told 🙂

 However, this isn’t a something for nothing deal. If you find something like this even slightly appealing, I would love to talk to you about what would really work for you and how we can make you glow too.

It wasn’t a threesome. It was never a threesome. This was the second meeting with our new toy, whom I’d approached after reading her remarkably compatible “want ad” on Fetlife.

She has a very secure, long-term, established, live-in “taken-in-hand” relationship with her master and she characterises herself as “slave”. She wants to be used and serve in a very SM way (she was also the cunt-punchee).

In those first two evenings together (and with lots of talking before, after and in between) we all discovered that she was an addition, not a distraction: someone there to offer a service – not someone we were having sex with in addition to ourselves. Even when they rose above me to let me watch their kisses whilst they entwined hands around my cock it was because I wanted to see this, c_b wants to please me and the third just wants to be useful.

She does nothing to distract us or say “look at me” when all we want to do is wrap ourselves in us.

In fact she says:

After causing me pain whether that be a cunt punching/whipping/shaving/paddling etc it makes me super happy if you are overcome with the need to fuck there and then and I guess that’s the great thing about private play 🙂 I am more than happy to be left to suffer while you do your thing 🙂

We hope we can satisfy her needs without any of us feeling entangled or jealous or duty bound. It’s not that she feels uninvolved or denied satisfaction. What we all do together makes her hot and she’s pleased to be told she can rub one out. It seems like the equal but opposite thing working out, yet again.

She gets what she needs from all the service she provides. I get an outlet for my sadism. curvy_bottom gets someone to protect.

No-one feels guilty because we all have someone we love that supports us in this. We all feel good because we get what we need. And we are becoming friends.

 

Cunt Punching

aveburysarsenTNI haven’t punched a cunt in a while.

I knee curvy_bottom in hers from time to time. That feels intimate: I’m kneeling over her, face to face, and either have just come out of her or am about to go in.

I can see her anticipation as I place a knee between her legs and draw it back. I can see her grimace as I make contact. Sometimes her eyes water. Her legs relax and I either go about my business or we fall into a cuddle.

Cunt punching. That’s different. It is much harder for a start. Harder as in stronger and more violent. Harder as in summoning up the blood to do it. It feels like an act of violence and, as such, not something I’d inflict on curvy_bottom.

It’s scary for the victim and scary for the D: I can’t convince myself there is anything in this other than a need to hurt and a need to see subjugation more than submission. That feels wrong. But it’s also honest and true. I want her frightened of me, just in that moment.

So, we’ve been talking about wanking through pain. The victim is about to wank for me. And I say, “I’d like to punch your cunt: do you consent?”.

Her eye’s widen. She looks better than just scared. I smile inside and do my best to stop a wide grin. I fail.

She thinks. She says “It’s not a hard limit we’ve agreed, so I suppose I should”.

I tell he to open her legs. I show the straight arm downward punch I am going to use. Her breath becomes shallow.

I place my fist on her cunt and draw it back. I don’t wait, but plunge my arm straight down. She shuts her eyes, closes her legs, raises her knees and, as I make contact, arches her back.

I hit her mons – not her cunt. My punch loses force because the contact area is inches behind where I expect it to be. She still gasps at the impact.

“Still” I say “How can I hit you properly if you move”. curvy_bottom moves alongside her and the victim grabs her leg. I can see my partner wants to offer the victim more comfort but I stop her. The victim opens her legs wide and straight and I punch again, before she has another moment to think.

This time the target stays still. My fist slams into its soft wetness with an immensely satisfying thwop. She screams but it’s the sound of hard flesh on soft flesh that burns itself into my brain. I feel slight suction as I remove it and I see the victim breathe again.

As I wipe my hand on her thigh I feel an immense sense of pride. She made herself my victim. She welcomed my punch.

She makes ready to wank. I put my hand on hers: “You now know what it’s like. Is this something you consent that I can do to you as I wish?”

She nods. She can see that’s not enough. “Yes”, she says.

Matched Pair: 16 – Blanket stitch

This chapter is dedicated to @Nitika_BG – welcome back you.

c6552ac6446bcea8f2bdae10de169982_iThe man sent Two to stand at one of the room’s windows and told her to face out. From time to time she lent forward gently to support herself The cold of the pane hardened her nipples but she couldn’t stand it for long and found herself standing unsupported again. She heard the man speak and one of the other girls came and put her hands on her buttocks. “Stand like that” her companion said. And stay still. That is what he wants”.

Two sometimes caught distorted reflections of the other girls bustling past her to serve at table. Time passed. She was rocking gently now. She thought about what she had volunteered for and became instantly less drowsy. She heard the man’s booted feet on the parquet floor. He stopped behind her. “Not long now” he said. And to the others: “Clear away the table and make places for yourselves at the end near the door – and help yourselves from the sideboard. You may talk”. He walked out of the room. A moment or two later she heard his footsteps overhead,

Here returned a few moments later. He took Two’s hand: “Come with me my dear” He led her to his end of the table, where The Girl was sitting with a white leather bag on her lap. He moved his own chair away and lifted her, sitting her on the edge of the table. The room had fallen silent.

“Face the other way and carry on” He told the other candidates. “Can’t we look, please?” came a voice. “This isn’t for your titillation” He said. More quietly “who said that?”.

Five put her hand up. “5 demerits” he said, reaching into his pocket and sliding a black felt tip up the table. “Someone mark up her arse”. Three took the pen and Five unsteadily rose and presented a buttock for the marker.

The man smiled at Two and rose, taking her shoulders with one arm and pushing her prone on the tabletop with the other. For a second she could see The Girl fussing over the zip to the white leather bag.

“Put your feet on the edge of the table and move them as far apart as you can” he instructed “This won’t take long”.

The room was still pin-drop quiet.

He ran a finger between her labia, twisting it slightly to separate them. He came to her hole and pushed gently, adding a second finger and pushing the walls apart.

He raised the fingers to his nose. “You’re smelly. You want sex too much”.

Her stepped back. The Girl appeared. She ripped open a sterile wipe with

Plastic forceps are intended to be disposable.
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

surgically-gloved hands and thoroughly rubbed Two’s lips and the areas around and between. Then the man was there too, smiling down at her holding two pairs of ring forceps and an ominous-looking packet containing a just visible, wickedly curved suture needle in his gloved hands.

“Sit on her tummy when you’ve finished” he said to The Girl. ”

“One, come and straddle her tits”.

“Three and Five, come and take a leg each”.

Two felt The Girl settle on her abdomen, she heard the squeal of chairs on the wooden floor and felt someone moving across the table top. Hurriedly One squirmed down across Two’s tits. The Girl took One in her arms. The full weight of the two women came down on Two, squeezing the breath from her body. She felt hands take hold of her legs and pull them wider apart. The ben-wa balls were shoved inside her once more, they felt cold and her pussy stung a little as they slipped in.

Something clamped the top of her left labia majora. The the same swift pressure on her right. Paper tore. She felt tugging as her labia were pulled outward swiftly followed by a sudden sharp popping sensation and then a searing pain, then the popping sensation again as the needle made its exit.

Two felt deeply calm as the man pulled the needle through. She didn’t have time to flinch as the second set of forceps pulled at her and the needle popped her right lip, pushed through and popped out again. The pain didn’t seem like pain anymore. She felt, for a moment, quite dreamy.

But then, as she felt the forceps being moved down for the second row of stitches she realised that she had forgotten to breath and now, with two women on her chest, it was barely possible. She started to struggle. “Calm” came his voice as she experienced the weird pop, push, pop and pull sensation for the third time. She was desperate for more breath and wriggled more.

He was by her head. “Calm” he said “and it’s over in a moment”. She stared back and screamed “I can’t breathe”. “You obviously can” he said. “Calm” he repeated: “I …am… watching you. You are breathing”.

Two screamed again and he slapped her, hard, across the cheek. The screaming stopped, replaced with quiet sobbing.

The pop, push, pop, pull routine began again. Eight times in all she felt herself punctured.

English: merrow,source is the merrow sewing ma...
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Then the pressure came off Two’s chest as The Girl got to her knees and then stood above her, helping One to her feet. Two’s legs were released. The man helped her to raise her head and The Girl brought a hand mirror to the end of the table. Five faces were looking down at her. Only The Girl was smiling, Two smiled back. At her reflection. In the mirror was a perfect row of blanket stitch. Her lips were sealed. Craning her neck she could just see the thin black stitches, holding her together… And three tiny, crimson drops.

Last: 15 – Service

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Asimov’s three laws of submission

I came across this on Fetlife, posted by a user called hugs:

Law one
I may not do anything or allow anything to happen that I_Robot_-_Runaroundbrings harm to myself

Law two
I may not, even through inaction do anything that will make my Dominant unhappy, unless that happiness contradicts law one

Law three
I must obey my Dominant’s wishes, unless those wishes contradicts law one or law two.

I’m a big fan of Isaac Asimov – and I’m a big fan of ritual, rule based D/s. Asimov’s three laws of robotics have been accepted by many as sensible for a future which involves self-aware robots but I’d never made the connection with submission – boy do I think this change works!

Thanks hugs

 

Ten commandments for our D/s relationship

aveburysarsenTNI wrote this in response to a thread on Fetbook.

It isn’t me being prescriptive, I just thought about the relationship I have, how it works and what seems to make it work best. So, for her and me:

  • Thou shalt respect yourselfcommandments
  • Thou shalt respect each other
  • Thou shalt keep no secrets from each other
  • Thou shalt not assume consent for something new
  • All thou dost, shall be with each other’s consent
  • Thou shalt respect each other’s boundaries
  • Thou shalt have no limits, within your boundaries
  • Thou shalt do no harm.
  • Thou shalt be the best thou can be for each other
  • Thou shalt respect others who know, and don’t know, who you are to each other

The above are written to apply to both of us Dom and sub. We mostly rule our dynamic through our umbrella hard limit.

Why my relationship isn’t better than anyone else’s and what’s wrong with “vanilla”?

aveburysarsenTNI saw a blog on UK BDSM website fetbook today. It made me think and drove me to post some thoughts on this, reproduced (and slightly edited) here.

First, concerning “vanilla”:

I love vanilla ice cream. I hate the term vanilla used in connection with BDSM and haven’t used it for some years now.

Why? Well, if people in D/s relationships are ever going to live their lives in the open then we need to be accepted by the wider world. Vanilla is sometimes used by BDSM people in a pejorative sense, which won’t help acceptance.

320px-Vanilla_florentine_codex

I don’t think that was the intent in the article that sparked this blog – but it still comes across that ‘vanilla” might be a less exciting, intense, trustful choice. There’s a sense of superiority that I don’t feel is true.

There are many differences between relationships based on D/s dynamics and non D/s relationships. For me, the first important distinction is that D/s can look like abuse from outside, but it isn’t, as long as it is based on consent. Getting the wider world to realise that would help us move into the light.

It looks likely that around 10% of people have a BDSM urge. Far fewer do anything about it. Fewer still make it a major focus for their lives. Most of the world would be very surprised at the thoughts expressed in the original article, a few of which would probably, in the wider world’s eyes, condemn the piece. Take the end of that blog:

Will you be satisfied having mild to medium Trust in your heart for your partner? 

Perhaps even a sense of deep trust in your heart?  

Or do you need MORE – do you need the Living Experience of those moments when Trust is so In-Your-Face that their is plainly and simply no denying it, when you can almost taste it, feel it, and hold it in your hands?

I think few people in non-BDSM relationships will believe that the trust they have with their partner is in any way less than the trust we experience.

What follows is very personal. Many will differ – and that’s fine.

My partner is my partner. I have the same concerns and cares as people who have a non D/s relationship. What differs is not the relationship, we love each other, we enjoy cooking and theatre…

What differs is who we are. We are D/s people. Equal but opposite. She forgot to telephone me the other night, I spanked her – both of us are cool with that. (actually, that’s peachywrong: for both of us that was a perfectly natural thing to do).

What differs for me is not the deepness or intensity of the relationship, nor is the level of trust, or passion, or intensity different to what people in non BDSM relationships can achieve or experience.

What differs is who I am. I thrive in a relationship where I’m expected to take responsibility and be the leader. She thrives in her non BDSM marriage because that part of her which needs to serve and support is who she is when she is with me.

So, I used to be a BDSM evangelist because I thought I’d discovered a true way to the most fulfilling possible relationship and that people who chose BDSM automatically had deeper, richer lives than those that chose not to. I was wrong.

What I have is a relationship that is right for me, because D/s is at the centre of who I am. It’s my orientation. I need it and I fail when I deny it.

But I’m no better or worse than anyone else. And I want to be accepted for that.

 

What do you call your partner – poll results

aveburysarsenTNFor nearly a year I’ve run a simple poll asking whether dominants and submissives have special names for each other and when they use them.

I’ve closed the polls, really because I’ve got bored more than anything else. Here are the results.

Naming policy

(ie what do people call each other).

NamingSubmissives most frequent response was that they used a general, not a unique name for their partner, followed by using their partner’s given name. However, only around a quarter of the votes from submissives were for using their partner’s given name and just under half were for using a special name – just not an unique one.

Dominants reversed this order of priority, being more likely to use their partners’ given name rather than any special name.

Naming protocol

(ie when do people use these names).

Protocol

I asked people when they used their special names – if they had them. Nearly one in four dominants voted that they didn’t have a naming protocol whilst less than half that proportion of votes from submissives agreed with this.

Dominants were most likely not to have any form of naming protocol. This was the least common choice for submissives.

Setting aside those who didn’t have a naming protocol, The most common result, for both submissives and dominants, was to use a naming protocol when by themselves or at scene events. The second most common return for submissives was using special names only when alone together.

Not proper research

This is a self-selecting sample of people who have responded to this poll over eleven months. I did my best to prevent repeat voting. But:

  • It’s a self selecting sample drawn from fetish/BDSM websites and Twitter.
  • People could vote on any or all of the options – so one vote does not mean one person responding.
  • There were 326 votes on the poll for dominants and 458 on the poll for submissives.

Thanks to all those who took part.

I’m still eagerly looking for participants in my US/UK BDSM and money survey. Absolutely anonymous – find it here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brat in BDSM

aveburysarsenTNThis is the latest in my BDSM definitions articles and polls. The rest are  on this links page.

Many submissives, define themselves as “brats” often seeing this as a highly positive quality. Some dominants seek bratty partners but others think it is a negative quality or term or believe it isn’t sustainable if it is the main part of a long-term dynamic.

This article proposes a definition for the positive quality of being a brat, as follows:

“A brat is a BDSM submissive who enjoys being mischievous, disobedient and cheeky to their dominant, usually lightheartedly and in expectation of a reaction from their dominant. Brattishness may be temporary or enduring”. (30 May 2014)

So, what do you think?

The above, following comment from others, is a development of the original definition, first posted on 20 March 2014, which was:

“A brat is a BDSM submissive, usually female, who enjoys being mischievous, disobedient and cheeky to their dominant, usually in a lighthearted manner. A brat’s qualities will usually be fundamental to their dynamic. Brattiness may be temporary or enduring”.

71 people had voted for the above definition – 79% of whom said they felt it accurate and appropriate. These definitions aren’t final. This is just a suggestion from me that I’d like your views on – and I’ll build them wherever i can.

Readers may be interested in my views on “slut” too.

The Sexbridge English Dictionary

aveburysarsenTNHere as I find them, or as others give them, I intend to list definitions of common English words given a sexual, preferably BDSM, twist – wry or funny please.

This idea came from BBC Radio 4‘s vintage (but still going) antidote to panel games – “Have I Got news For You” which features the Uxbridge English Dictionary, a game where panelists find new and bladder-looseningly funny definitions for words. Delve here to see what I mean.

Here are my first:

  • Flapjack: A speculum.
  • Twickenham: Twisting nipples, sharply and with force.

All suggestions welcome!