Protocol is what I demand of her that is related to the expression of our BDSM dynamic, rather than our relationship. I see protocol as enduring, habitual, prescribed actions that people in BDSM dynamics do for each other whenever it is appropriate, as defined by their rules.
So, protocol doesn’t determine that I might give her a hug, or that we might have a row over something trivial, but it does mean, that if we are at home when hugging or arguing occurs that she will be naked. I’d say that the rule that she has no right to deny me use of her body, within our limits, is part of our dynamic – but not a protocol.
Our basic protocols are:
- She is pink at home, unless I allow otherwise.
- She asks permission to leave me, even to go into another room and waits until it is given.
- She doesn’t use the personal pronoun in speech
- She asks permission to perform bodily functions
- She goes to bed when I ask her, not when she wants to.
- She isn’t supposed to use furniture unless i say so but (memo to me) I’ve got a little lax on this.
- She shaves her fou-fou regularly
- She offers her bottom if she is in error without waiting for it to be required (this, of course depends whether she thinks she is in error or not and she is a bit of a barrack room lawyer)
- I don’t cut my own finger or toenails
- I always brush and plait her at bed time
- She removes my shoes when i get home.
- We always eat from one plate, with one set of cutlery and feed each other not ourselves.
And here is a blog about quite a different sort of protocol, which might be useful in BDSM
- Japanese protocol and BDSM – felis intorqueo’s blog. (belasarius.com)