We had an interesting exchange this morning. A propos something written in our book (which is not rule book, exactly) and fascinating chat at yesterday’s O&P.
Anyway – the deal for us is that what he does is, he says, not for my hurt or shame.
Hurt as in emotional hurt? Yes.
Oh, so pain and embarrassment is OK then?
“Oh, absolutely”, he said. And, after a pause: “You have no idea of the tightrope we Doms have to walk”.
It was a light-hearted conversation, but it has a point.
He likes to hurt me. he likes to see me blush with embarrassment. But, he likes me to look back and glow because he’s made me proud of what I’ve done for him. He says he hates it if I feels, looking back, degraded or shamed by his actions.
Someone else made the point that “it’s because I can trust him [her dom] not to (intentionally) hurt me that I felt able to give up my limits. I know he will push me way outside of my comfort zone, but never so far that will cause me harm. I don’t envy him (or Belasarius) that responsibility”.
In the survey I did of BDSM symbols and ownership, promoted through my blog and posts on the website Informed Consent, I asked about people’s collar-wearing habits.
68 submissive respondents answered this question. Four were masochists, 49 said they were submissives and 15 identified as slaves. 17 people skipped the question. People could choose more than one response.
Half of the masochists (two people) said they wore a collar as a symbol of ownership. 35% of submissives and 67% of slaves said they wore a collar as a symbol of ownership. None of the masochist respondents said they “Never wear a collar, ever” whilst 12% of submissives and seven per cent of slaves said they never wear a collar.
25% of masochists (Okay – one person) said they wear a collar all the time, compared to 12% and 13%, respectively, of submissives and slaves. This contrasts with those who wear a collar just for BDSM purposes – 25% of masochists, 45% of submissives and 7% (that’s just one person) of slaves do this.