“So how does one write about such a big thing that happened in a way that does it justice? Frankly, this one isn’t sure if it is possible because sometimes it’s a case of never being able to replicate or honour the intensity of something with mere words. But you know those moments that happen in life where you think about what you would give to relive the thing again even just once. Well it’s one of those”.
In the build up to the head shaving this one had been told to set a countdown timer on her phone: on the afternoon of that Friday one was genuinely panicking. Fascinatingly this included some physical symptoms of feeling nauseous and stressed breathing (although please don’t think that this was anything beyond mild compared to a real bad ass panic attack!). At the time this one just rode the wave of those feelings as she believes that BDSM does not always have to be nicely nicely and, within the realms of consent, this is ok.
The afternoon was spent watching TV under a blanket, doing ones makeup, collecting all the necessaries to take with oneself, ramming some couscous down the food hole and then hugging Master as he a gave this one a lift. Whilst waiting to meet he and she, this one was winding herself up something chronic as in “are you really going to do this” to which the answer was “yes because there is absolutely no rational reason that would justify backing out at the last-minute”.
This one didn’t say much when she climbed into he and she’s car. Once the journey to Townhouse had started this one broke the silence by saying something like “I’m pleased to see you both but I’m very nervous”. This one never plays with her hair but found herself doing so as a way of saying goodbye to it and appreciating it before it went. Once he and she had navigated the boring complicated part of the route this one relaxed into talking with them about random things and stuff and although the baseline feeling was an overwhelming barrage of nerves from all of us, it did take the very tip of the point off some of the tension (not much, but yeah). There was even a humour to it as they sang “we are shaving” to the tune of “we are sailing” as we pulled up at the venue (well, it wound this one up at the time but it is funny looking back at it in hindsight).
In the changing room this one got into her boiler suit and fit-for-purpose collar so that a chain could be attached between her and c_b.
Sir asked “are you doing anything at the moment?” which meant that it was right for this one to sit in nadu in the corner of the locker room. It felt whirly and woozy in this one’s head tstill and calm as the changing area bounced with the vibrancy of people turning up in a giggly and chatty way.
Once the chain was attached to this one’s collar there was a brief tour of the area before being taken to the dungeon in the cellar. This one has seen a number of cellars but this one is incredible as in it is a real cellar and very atmospheric. This one knelt in nadu while there was a bustle of preparatory activity going on. He and she stood in front of this one talking to each other. Sir was whispering something in c_b’s ear as she listened attentively. This one was ordered to stand up as c_b began walking her to one of the cells. This one stopped to say to our friends who had come to support us in this process that she is not an exhibitionist and that she’s specially nervous. It was pretty much a semi-apologetic desperate ramble. Maybe this one was procrastinating as she felt a tug on the lead and an instruction to hurry up and follow c_b.
Once in the cell, it turns out that c_b had been instructed to bring this one to orgasm as part of her undressing prior to the head shave. The fact that this one can orgasm through nipple play was thoroughly exploited but it felt caring and reassuring: it felt like this one was a condemned person being given the last bit of care and attention before the rough stuff and the carrying out of a sentence started. Once again another supportive person came to talk to us while in the cell and this one gave yet another rambly type of greeting before being lead to the box where the head shaving was to happen.
“sit on the edge of this box and carefully turn around into it and then gently lower yourself in” they said as some fine tuning was done to make sure that this one’s head was going to be accessible for its purpose. Once this one was sat comfortably in place in the box and she had touched her hair for one last time and said “goodbye hair”, all that remained was for the lid to be put on in order that only one’s head popped out leaving her body trapped in the box. It was at this point that Sir told this one that this was her last chance to withdraw consent and as he went on to say “do you consent” this one replied with the most certain yes that could have possibly been said. That is to say that this one was entirely ready for this and willing to give up her hair for them so when she replied yes it was loud and proud and unafraid which is ironic considering how genuinely worried this one had been in the build up to this moment. Maybe the yes this one gave was so confident and pride-filled because she knew she was ready to do this, especially after giving it a lot of thought and there being one hell of a build-up. Perhaps this was the yes that made this one realise “well it’s happening now so all one can do is take it as best as she can”.
The first cut…
Ironically perhaps, the next thing that this one felt was a hairbrush being gently and caringly run through her hair. It made this one feel a massive flood of emotions: It felt confusing as to how futile it was for the hair to be brushed. This one doesn’t recall actually making a whimpering sound but that’s what it felt like inside. Sir asked c_b to apply a band to a lock of this ones hair in order that a first neat and tidy lock of hair could be taken as a keepsake. It was on the top of this ones head to the front right side. This one can’t remember if she consciously felt and or heard the first snick of the scissors or if it was all too much to take in. The lock of hair was placed in front of this one and thereafter more snips and clumps of hair were built into a pile in front of this one. In terms of the feelings that happened, they are frustratingly hard to describe because there really is nothing like it.
This one was worried that she would giggle through being anxious. She didn’t. This one worried that she would cry. She didn’t.
She was really relieved that she didn’t cry (as in bawling her eyes out) because it wouldn’t have felt dignified seeing that it had been consented to and she wanted to offer this service and its hair and it will grow back. She did get a bit of a watery scrunch on her eyes but that was about it. Most of the entire experience was spent in a state of shock combined with an almost meditative like state. This one felt more dignified and controlled and brave than humiliated or shamed which felt incredible because she was expecting to feel the latter much more than the former – which emerged to be the lovely reality that did occur.
In terms of the physical sensations it felt actually quite massaging and like this one was being groomed in a really caring way. The lock of hair was cut and then chunks were cut and then the buzz clippers started humming along this one’s head and then another buzzy type tool was used to remove as much as possible whilst this ones head was sticking out of the box. There was a moment where this one heard Sir noting that it was hard to get the hair from the back of her head and when she bent her head so he could gain better access it felt amazing to be reminded that this one was being a good girl. The buzz in the room (the one that had naff all to do with the shaving equipment) was incredible.
“Like it was this big vibe of awesome feelings and support and woah just everything! It was so emotional and this one felt really touched by the fact that she saw the odd watery eye on other people in the room too (yes she did see and no she’s not saying who it was but there were a number of you! Big hugs!)”.
Seriously there was nothing negative or degrading or dark about this at all which is really fascinating because that is what this one was kind of expecting to feel. It felt caring and supportive and downright euphoric! Such a contrast to what this one feared in wanting to be able to give this as part of her submission. This is so hard to write! This one can’t stop smiling and zoning out!
Ah yeah where was we…that’s right…it had got to the point where all the little bits needed to be got at so c_b helped this one out of the box and walked her over to the chair.
By this point this one was shivering and was really appreciative of how caring everyone was. c_b and our kajira friend helped to get those pesky bits behind this one’s ears and this one was told to keep still (this is the point at which this one was overcome with the odd laugh here and there). Everyone was being so careful to get each remaining bit of hair and this sometimes resulted in a cold wet sponge being applied to this one’s head much to her shock at the temperature of the water with every new application as some of it (albeit a small amount) trickled down her back. As everyone agreed that all hair had been removed, the time had come for everyone to do the final bit of tidy up (gigantic thank you to everyone who helped!). There were lots of hugs and smiles and this one was feeling every possible emotion at this point but was probably coming across as fairly hyper.
Hyper moments included swearing when this one couldn’t find which leg to put in which hole of her boiler suit and telling Sir something to the effect of “I’m making an exception here with the swears and it was a f.ck.ng pleasure to do that for you”. This one sort of regrets her conduct in this instance but it really was the emotions talking so it’s something that she’ll try and keep an eye on in the future.
Too soon the time came to go upstairs and join in with he rest of the world. This one didn’t feel ready to see herself or touch her head and, when she heard the footsteps of a new person come into the dungeon she ran to get a towel to put on her head for modesty. The person who came down the stairs said something so lovely and inspiring to this one though. He said “trust me, you’ve done something incredible and as one submissive to another I’m very jealous. Now go out there and enjoy it!” These words that pumped this one up to feel less apprehension about being led back up the stairs. Besides, by this point this one was in a state of being willing to do anything that might be asked of her. It was not the time to have a crisis of confidence.
So we get back up the stairs and this one sits in nadu at c_b’s feet while Sir goes to put all the kit back in the locker. Gutted to say that this one struggles to piece some of the beautiful rush of emotions together at this point. It wasn’t long after that that Sir took a seat and c_b and I went to the bar to order drinks (well, c_b did the useful stuff like the drink ordering and the comforting this one and this one nestled her head onto her. That was a lovely moment.). But then the moment got even more lovely. It was a Halloween themed night in August (you rock Townhouse!) and there were little nibbles at the bar and one of these was a little bowl of black pudding. Yes, black pudding! This was the absolute icing on the cake for this one in terms of seeing B and c_b being happy together in that not only had they just shaved their toy’s head but now there was some spontaneous black pudding at the bar and this is something that holds significance for the two of them and it was such a happy bursty squeezy moment to the extent that this ones smile muscles are getting far too much exercise writing about it. Seriously it was well magic!
Face to face
It wasn’t long after that this one said she didn’t even know what it looked like yet and didn’t feel ready to find out. Again, the little steps leading up to the moment are a little sketchy but this one basically finds herself in front of the mirror in the bar area with her eyes squeezed tightly shut. An equal amount of squeezyness is going on with he and she both holding a hand each to either side of this one.
“Can’t do it! Can’t do it!” This one exclaimed but both he and she said that on the count of three this one was to open her eyes to look in the mirror.
Before the countdown had finished (begun?) this one popped her eyes open and within a split second or less of her knees buckled under her and she found herself knelt on the floor from the shock and surprise of it all. Clearly, this one was expecting a bald head to be evident but nothing quite prepares you for the surrealness of it all until you’re actually presented with your reflection for the first time since having a full and thick head of hair. After getting over the initial shock, as people had said during the head shaving, it turns out that this one actually suits being bald. Like it doesn’t look like this god-awful cringey thing and a mistake in any respect. It just looks like a human being who consented to being bald and it looks ok. It looked kind of punky with the dark eye makeup (what was left of it) that this one had applied earlier. This one felt exposed but they didn’t feel awkward or like they had something to hide. It still felt incredibly slave like but it didn’t feel bad at all. There was nothing about the night, the decision to do it or how it looked that felt anything other than fantastic (despite this ones first reservations).
We all sat down and enjoyed talking and having a chill and this one felt incredible as she sat at their feet. Once everyone had had a good chat, chill and drink, Sir, c_b and this one went for a walk/got taken for a walk to find a soft and quiet place to have a bit of mellow time. Twas good. It felt fantastic to be in nadu as they made themselves comfortable on one of the lovely soft beds before inviting this one up to serve them. It is really difficult to work out where all that beautiful time went, but so be it.
We all had a bit more of a chill with our friends and some chocolate (necessary!) and then when this one was sat in the car they started singing “bald girl in the car” to the tune of “brown girl in the ring” (which sounds pretty rude anyway but maybe that’s just this one!). The drive home was as trippy and mellow as you’d expect for the non driving and non map reading passenger (ie this one) and then once they dropped me off we had more hugs and this one reiterated that it was a pleasure to be able to give Sir this experience because it’s something that he had wanted to do for a long time and it felt so fantastic to be able to give that to someone through this one’s own submission because this one is motivated by being pleasing and it felt like such an honour to be able to give that to two people who this one likes and respects a lot. The whole night had definitely moved things forward in our shared dynamic.
So basically this one went from thinking “head shaving is not a hard limit” to “this one would be willing to do that for Sir” and “oh my goodness panic panic this is going to be so humiliating and shaming” to actually having what was, in reality, a beautiful and worthwhile experience. Like one of the most incredible things about the whole night is that there was nothing that was even slightly bad about it and it all felt so calming and justified and right. The equivalent could perhaps be going to the dentist dreading a filling only to be told that you no longer need one and by the way have you checked your lottery numbers today. This one’s struggling to explain again but hopefully if this writing has recorded even an ounce of the joys of that special night then that will be something.
Other things worth noting are that this one didn’t want to collect or donate money for charity from this project because it felt important not to divert away from the reasons for wanting to do this. It was through and through about submission and giving this to B and c_b. This one gives what she can to charity and saw the head shaving, in its context, as something else.
When getting ready to head home, this one applied her wig and although it looks pretty groovy, the baldness “looks more you” as a lot of people said. This one agrees. Perhaps a blog on being a bald woman will be a good thing to follow this up with.
The contrast between the fear and anticipation vs the beautiful reality of what it actually felt like is massively and fascinatingly stark. A blog this one wrote prior to it happening will be posted after this (it was important to share the reality of what happened first in order that people wouldn’t worry unnecessarily).
The moment the first hair fell from this one’s head was the moment that this one had her use of personal pronouns removed. When this one was sat on the chair while the final tricky bits of hair were being removed, there was talk of the fact that this one hasn’t lost anything at all and if anything something had been gained from the removal of her hair. This one fully agrees and then some.
Special thanks to those who shared our special night with us and made it possible and extra special. Townhouse is one seriously good venue.
It was fascinating to ask to touch someone’s hair who has the same colour hair as this one did pre shaving. To feel the contrast was amazing.
Yes this one could probably have done with a thesaurus for writing this blog. There really aren’t enough words and it took longer than usual to write this because words aren’t proportionate to the extent to which the experience was emotional.
Before this head shaving, this one thought that being bald wouldn’t feel good and was fully prepared for and consenting of that. Nothing could be further from the truth.
It feels incredible predominantly because of what it stands for in this context but also because it looks awesome. This one tends to conceal it in public for an easy life (for now at least) but stands by the fact that it does look awesome. It feels fantastic to have it as something that she only allows special people to see (unless instructed otherwise on occasion). Master is enjoying observing the regrowth on a day basis and is pleased and supportive about this.
This one wouldn’t hesitate to have this done again and is looking forward to the next instance in which she is in nadu without any head coverings. It feels massively good and right.