Belasarius asked me to write a blog about how I mentally and physically prepare myself before service. The mental bit shouldn’t be too difficult because I often write about my mind but he thinks writing about the physical element of it will be embarrassing for me and he is right.
I’m sitting here asking myself why I’m so willing to write about something that I find intimate and embarrassing and I’m asking myself why I’m choosing to do this because I feel silly and daft and I’m cursing at myself a bit for doing it but my need to be pleasing is greater than my need to say “I ain’t doing it” and that in itself feels like a big and fascinating thing.
Maybe I’m getting closer to doing stuff I don’t want to do (limits acknowledged) because I really like being of service.
This is perplexing and thrilling and, oh yeah – did I mention, embarrassing.
My physical preparations are less about my vanity and more about being pleasing. Having leg and underarm hair doesn’t bother me too much if it’s there so my main reason for shaving that is because I don’t think it’s acceptable to turn up having not made the effort.
I will normally shave every two weeks if left to my own devices but I will increase that frequency if I am going to serve before the two-week point is up.
If shaving down there before service I will always make that bit more effort to pay attention to detail than if it was just for my own reasons for doing it. I decided upon this after having felt what it is like having candle wax removed when a stray hair or two has caught in it. (I don’t know if it’s going to feel better or worse by throwing it out there that I feel a bit dirty writing about all my physical preparations so far).
From three days before service I will apply moisturiser all over each night because my skin suffers from a bit of blotchiness as a result of my love of junk food (I consent to this and roll with it I guess). Sometimes it contains self tan sometimes it doesn’t.
Just before heading off to serve on the day I will apply concealer to absolutely anywhere I think will benefit from it. I don’t know if this is a standard thing or a me thing but I feel it is right to do so. I will also do a spray of perfume and have a breath mint. Again not something I normally do but I think it’s proper.
I don’t usually wear make up either but I like to do it almost as a mask when serving because if I blush when embarrassed or humiliated I like it to be less noticeable. I don’t know if it actually works or if it’s a mind over matter thing. It often all gets smudged in the end but still.
I wear whatever I feel like when travelling to serve because it doesn’t stay on for long anyway.
When packing my handbag I check that I have got my play collar, my book that I have been given to record things in and any other accessories that I have been asked to bring.
I did this blog as part of my service in being asked to do it so as strange and exposed and intimate as it felt to write it I hope it was satisfactory in some way. I’ll come back and write about the mental preparation in another instalment.
“a new journey” – incorporating a plaything into our dynamic