Brat in BDSM


aveburysarsenTNThis is the latest in my BDSM definitions articles and polls. The rest are  on this links page.

Many submissives, define themselves as “brats” often seeing this as a highly positive quality. Some dominants seek bratty partners but others think it is a negative quality or term or believe it isn’t sustainable if it is the main part of a long-term dynamic.

This article proposes a definition for the positive quality of being a brat, as follows:

“A brat is a BDSM submissive who enjoys being mischievous, disobedient and cheeky to their dominant, usually lightheartedly and in expectation of a reaction from their dominant. Brattishness may be temporary or enduring”. (30 May 2014)

So, what do you think?

The above, following comment from others, is a development of the original definition, first posted on 20 March 2014, which was:

“A brat is a BDSM submissive, usually female, who enjoys being mischievous, disobedient and cheeky to their dominant, usually in a lighthearted manner. A brat’s qualities will usually be fundamental to their dynamic. Brattiness may be temporary or enduring”.

71 people had voted for the above definition – 79% of whom said they felt it accurate and appropriate. These definitions aren’t final. This is just a suggestion from me that I’d like your views on – and I’ll build them wherever i can.

Readers may be interested in my views on “slut” too.

Author: Belasarius

I possess the submission of curvy_bottom, we have a medium protocol, D/s relationship - based on the feeling that we are equa and opposite and that we love each other.

27 thoughts on “Brat in BDSM”

      1. I guess there must be done make brats. But make subs and bottoms often seem
        To be ( whaddikniw) to want to be overpowered. By the force if their Dominant’s personality.

      2. I my self am a male Brat. I describe myself as a Mega Brat!!!!!!!!!! No not because I am male. Because I am also a Switch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For every type out there. There’s a Brat version of that out there also!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Yep. See what you mean. I really don’t want these to reflect my views alone. Welcome any comments and will try to build them into a revision in a week or two.

  1. I disagree that disobedience is a fundamental trait of a brat. I identify with the brat label, but deliberate disobedience is not part of that. It is part of some brat dynamics, but it’s not an inherent feature. I may resist, but actual disobedience would not be well-received.

    Bouncing off msrubyrouge’s not submissive issue, I do identify as submissive and run into anti-brat people who insist that brats are just some who top from the bottom, which I find insulting. But, to be helpful, s-type is a common term online to refer to non-topside labels. Perhaps that might make it more palatable. I know slaves who get upset if you say they’re submissives too.

    1. So “resistance” rather than “disobedience”? Yes, I see that could be right. But some brats have said that disobedience is a key feature as it promotes “punishment”.

      I don’t really like s-type as it would require further explanation to the wider, non-kink world. and, personally I think slaves are a sub-set of submissives. But happy to listen and debate all of this.

      1. The goal is the same, to elicit a reaction. My point is, or might be more appropriate than and in that particular segment, as disobedience isn’t a universal quality of a brat. Or even and/or.

        A lot of the derogatory statements made about brats stem from this idea that all brats are just disobedient or ill-behaved. I can never manage to convince these people that this is not the case and they often throw dictionary definitions at me about beats being ill mannered children. It gets exhausting.

        As to the sub slave thing, I don’t necessarily disagree, because I differentiate between a submissive and a submissive personality, but if you walk up into an M/s forum and say all slaves are submissive, you’re likely to get strung up.

  2. I personally dislike the term brat.. I think it denotes a generally spoiled vibe. It’s been used for eons with that meaning.. Just because I like to be a challenge, or want someone to tame me, doesn’t mean that’s a ” bratty ” quality.. I want someone to actually try, and care that I have needs as well.. I don’t think it’s too much to ask to want your partner to fulfill your needs, if you are otherwise .. unfulfilled by most others. Let alone, I often feel I am more dominant than most the people who DO attempt to dominate me.. therefore I put forth that challenge to be dominated because if I can out dominate you- you’re not worth my time..

  3. Based on personal experience, I would support Siminas analysis. I consider myself a brat and the overall goal is to elicit reaction – and I prefer that to be punishment. I wouldn’t say disobedience is an inherent trait in all brats, I’ve just found disobedience is the best way to elicit reactions. Its mostly deliberate, tactical but in the lighthearted manner. It’s part of my personality. Also agree that actual disobedience is not well received. The submissive part of me loves to obey – about 50% of the time. Some may view that as topping from the bottom bc I’m the one choosing whether to obey of not, it’s subject to my will. I get that for sure, I honestly don’t feel I’m doing that, but I am certainly guilty of doing it. It sounds messy or unclear it’s really not. I don’t think I’m doing a great job explaining it, it’s such a subjective topic and experience. It’s difficult to have a “stereo typical” description of the archetypes.

    I would also argue a significant difference between brats and littles. I can see potential for overlap or a hybrid type dealio but generally speaking, totally different dynamic completely. It’s likely my ego, but I’d be insulted if called a little.

    I go round and round on the submissive /slave / bottom argument because I find a lot of overlap, but I can definitely see subtle distinctions . I don’t believe any are a subset of the other, there isn’t a logical connection. All slaves are not submissives nor bottoms . Submissives aren’t slaves , and so on. All of these are nuanced and totally influenced by unique factors so this is just my experience and some observations. Not claiming to be an expert in any way – no judgments. I invite any challenges or responses, let’s debate.

  4. I’m fairly new to the lifestyle and have been called a Brat.i do not and have not ever attempted to top from the bottom. i enjoy challenging and being challenged but in the end my Dominant has final say so. I do not however seek punishment as a reaction. I enjoy the battle of wits and banter, the resulting stimulation. I actually hate crossing the line as i do not like displeasing my Dominant but i will definitely play with it, if that makes any sense.

  5. What some people see as being disrespectful. It is not meant to be that way from a Brat!!!!!!!!!! What we often want is to make our Dom and others LAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s done in a playfully cheeky way!!!!!!!!!!!! We know when NOT TO Brat!!!!!!!!!!!! That being said sometimes someone says or does something and we JUST CAN’T HELP OURSELVES!!!!!!!!! Because sometimes you JUST GOTTA BRAT!!!!!!!!!!!! One of the other reasons we do it is for Funishments!!!!!!!!! OOPS!!!! Punishments!!!!!!!!!!! And sometimes we do inadvertently go TOO FAR!!!!!😢😢😢😥😥😥😭😭😭 Then WE FALL ALL OVER OURSELVES TRYING TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Google translate says this Dutch translates to English as: “and you say a Brat. “I bite him. What is that? “He asks me. That’s a BDSM term, I report it”

  6. For me, being a brat is more that I don’t feel totally comfortable ceding my control and feeling vulnerable. I’m generally obedient, but I will smirk, roll my eyes at orders, and giggle. Could just be me being new to the dynamic and might abate with time. Though I generally tend to be snarky and sarcastic in daily life too. For me, it’s not about disobeying or ignoring, it’s more about keeping my own defenses up when I’m not totally comfortable in this very unfamiliar territory and dynamic.

  7. The difference between brattiness and disobedience, in my opinion, is the difference between teasing and insulting. You’re kinda being insulting with teasing, but it’s done in a way and with a person you know on such a level, that it’s playful instead of hurtful. It’s meant to elicit pleasure and feel-good. Whilst insulting is meant to actually cross a line and provoke negative/aggressive feelings. It takes knowing a person pretty well to make sure you’re only teasing and not insulting. Same, I believe, with brattiness/disobedience. Most of my brattiness does come in the form of playful teasing (though I did hide the riding crop at one point when he left the room after using it on me), but I’ve learned my Dom enough that I know where his lines are that I do not cross. Because I don’t want to *actually* displease him. It does happen when you’re learning your person…and yes, it makes you feel terrible and you want to make it up any way you can. It’s supposed to be fun, not harmful.
    Also–Kilian, I could not agree more, you took all the words right out of my mouth. It’s like, if you want to play with me, you’d better know what the heck you’re doing, or I’m going to walk all over you.

  8. hello I just wanted to put a little info in here for those who don’t know I am a male submissive I classify myself in the Sub-Class of Little/Brat with pet like tendencies I am very much both I am a Little and a Brat and i like to petted like a animal and in the many years I have been in the lifestyle I have come across many who say the two are different yes in some ways though in a lot of ways they are alike, Littles enjoy most kid like activities like coloring and playing games, being playful and sometimes pouty some even enjoy age play thats not really my thing but to each their own, though as a Brat i wouldn’t call it a disobedience as mush as i’d say its being playful most like to see how far they can push before the Dom acts rather it be punishment or just some playful fun so when A Dom says don’t do that, it like a itch to most brats they wanna do it anyway just to see what happens. im a very curious Little brat i personally enjoy a lot of kid like activities like coloring and playing with clay and stuff i can be very pouty and sometimes do not act my age at all i have a very over active imgianation once im in my Sub space then its a wrap im a hyper active cheeky Little bratty boy i agree with every category in the lifestyle there is a sub class for each and every sub no matter the classification has but one desire to please their Dom to the fullest. there are a lot more male brats out there then people think its not that uncommon though i don’t believe anyone is just one type of submissive i have seen a Little with pet like tendencies they like playing a Kitten but thats why every submissive is different and acts different not every brat acts the same and what one considers to be bratty might only be playing to another

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