I’ve always said that I would never upload naked pictures to my profile. I don’t really need people to look at them and I like to think that if I am undressed it is because someone has asked me to do it rather than me being keen to get my bits out. I’m not horrendously self conscious but I do see undressing for someone as a quite humiliating thing in that it’s like saying “I’m here to be used in some way now” (even if that use is just the very act of being naked in itself).
I know we’ve all got the same bits (well half of us anyway!) and why should it all be so sacred but I do believe in keeping some privacy about being undressed so that if I do it for someone it is for them and nobody else.
Despite the above, Belasarius is an exhibitionist and he likes sharing photos of play and in wanting to be useful in my service to him, I don’t want to deny him that if it brings him pleasure. In this respect I consent to his photos of me being shared. On the one hand I feel flattered but there is also a very predominant feeling that when I look at the fact that my photo of me naked with my legs open is out there in webland it makes me feel tacky and dirty and slutty. This feeling made me cringe to the point that my toes curl and I chew my lips into raw flesh.
In all the poses my legs are wide open, my nipples look hard and my cunt is glistening more than I was actually aware of it doing. The feelings that occur from this make me want to bow my head and hide under my duvet but they also make me feel proud and fascinated about what I’m willing to do through being keen to please and I can’t deny that I am so into this kind of headfuck.
Wow! The things that make you cringe and feel disbelief at yourself for being willing to do are perhaps the things that give the most satisfaction regarding my submission in that I believe that it can be constructive to be challenged outside of your comfort zone.
It is exciting and rewarding and it brings me closer to believing that there may be more of this kind of thing and it will be interesting to see the forms it will take.
It makes me more convinced that a head shaving could be entirely possible put it that way.
Oh my gawd! Just wow really! Can’t believe that I’m being asked to do these things that I’m giving ccnsent to and not wholly enjoying but still admittedly getting off on somewhat. It’s just come to me that perhaps that does make me a slut in the positive sense of the word. Oh my goodness I’ve never thought of myself as one but I guess this would be testament to that whole conditioning aspect of submission that so appeals to me.