“To be thrilled at the touch of leather, aroused by the sound of harsh words, or satisfied by the security of rigid bondage is the mark of a lover.
“To be thrilled at the opportunity to provide useful service, aroused by a pleased nod, and satisfied by the proverbial job well done, is the mark of a slave.
“It may sound severe. Almost anti-erotic. Until you see two people, owner and owned, existing in a complementary relationship where each suits the other like balances on a delicate scale. Until you feel the energy of their rapport, you cannot understand how they fulfil each other, take and give in ways no negotiation could possibly express.”
This means much to me. I don’t use the word slave of my submissive partner, but I do understand there are those who use it and for whom it is real. If you’ve read Fifty shades and found a small yearning for an asymmetric life as well as S/m bedroom play, then I think you should, bi, gay or straight, give “The Marketplace” a go. It will give you a very different view of dominance and submission.
The quote at the top expresses, very closely, for me, the difference between 50 Shades of Grey”s primarily erotic BDSM relationship and one based on service and responsibility.
I respond to the balance of owner and owned.
I should also emphasise that my thinking does not encompass inequality in the way some do – I think of my partner and myself as equal but opposite.
And here is a thread I started to discuss this.
- Shades other than the 50 (denyingthumper.com)
- Fifty Shades of Consent (kinkylittlegirl.wordpress.com)
- ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’: What do Authors and BDSM Experts Think? (hollywood.com)
- Fifty shades of Grey is about a BDSM relationship? (thesecretsofasouthernbelle.wordpress.com)